Blind Spots: What You Might be Missing

 

“We are often more obvious to others than we are to ourselves”  — Albert Ellis

“I don’t really do that – do I?”

Have you ever had someone call you out for something you said or did, and it comes as a complete surprise?

These surprises are our blind spots – the areas we don't see, but others do. Author John C. Maxwell defines a blind spot as "an area in the lives of people in which they continually do not see themselves or their situation realistically."  Some blind spots can be deadly, draining our relationships and limiting our opportunities.

For example, you may think you are a great listener, yet others observe you cutting people off mid-sentence to sell your idea.  Other common examples of blind spots are deciding the rules don’t apply to you, valuing being right over being effective, and treating opinions as facts.

A common tool used to work with blind spots is the Johari Window – a communication model used to improve understanding between individuals and teams.  “Johari” is derived from the names Joseph Luft and Harrry Ingham who developed the model in 1955.  Luft and Ingham focused on the importance of self disclosure, realizing what others see in you that may be unknown to you, which resulted in two key findings:

• With feedback from others, you can learn about yourself and come to terms with your behavior.
• You can build trust with others by disclosing information about yourself.

But feedback is not enough.  The critical ingredient is to share enough information about ourselves so we can accept constructive feedback.

I formerly worked with a peer who was overly competitive.  Our company had an employee recognition day designed to reward our workers for all their hard work, including games and entertainment.  A volleyball game was underway and my peer and I were on opposite teams.  On my team, we had a young man with limited athletic ability who also worked in his department.  My peer was up to serve and placed every serve directly to this young man – you can imagine what ensued.  His team won the game yet a much bigger statement was made that day – winning at all costs is not in our company value system.  One of our executives was watching the game and his facial expression told the story.  I pulled him aside after the game and my feedback was dismissed – this individual and his blind spots eventually left the organization.

Three keys to managing your blind spots:

Awkward Feedback
Ask five people you really trust to share unconventional feedback through open-ended questions.  Rather than “have you ever seen me lose my temper?” (yes or no) - ask “what am I doing that makes me seem angry?”  Carefully develop the questions you want answers to, in order to hear what you need to hear.  My guess is these five individuals will ask you to return the favor.

Validate the Feedback
Identify one or two colleagues to confirm the feedback you have received - “have you seen me do this – in what type of situation?”  Again, ask for details.  The strongest leaders have a supporting cast willing to help them grow as a leader.

Call Yourself Out
A powerful key is to call yourself out – “I need to know if you feel I am not listening to your idea.”  This projects a transparent leader who is modeling the need for development.

Can I ask you a favor?  I always welcome newsletter feedback - any blind spots I should be aware of or topics you would recommend?  As a coach, I am also available to discuss the blind spots challenging your professional growth.
 

Sort of? Not Really. What Your Language Says About You

“Our language is the reflection of ourselves. A language is an exact reflection of the character and growth of its speakers.”
- Cesar Chavez

I sort of enjoy writing leadership newsletters.  What does this sentence tell you about me?  Does “sort of” decrease your interest in what I have to say?  Passive language threatens our credibility and fails to build trust.  As leaders, we have the opportunity to tell others what they need to know through active content and confident delivery.

Dr. Gabriel Doyle, author of the blog “Motivated Grammar,” describes the phrase "sort of" as “don’t think of this as being overly accurate.”  In other words, it tells the other person you are not sure.  Uncertainty projects a lack of confidence, and your ability to influence others suffers. 

The word passive is often defined as allowing things to happen - and ceding control to someone else.  For example, if you are interviewing for an exciting job opportunity and consistently use passive language (sort of, kind of, maybe) your competitiveness for the job will be compromised.  Stay in control by crafting the right message to let your internal passion match your words.

While the focus of this newsletter is on the spoken word, the principles also apply to writing skills.  Successful leaders write confidently and concisely.  Take a moment to review a recent written communication you authored – look for passive words such as could or might.  You may not have all the information necessary to completely answer a challenge.  What you do have is a reader who deserves your best thoughts (or what I call completed staff work), and active language is what they expect and need.

I was recently coaching an individual who frequently used passive language, both informally and while giving presentations.  My feedback surprised him as he had never had this development need shared with him before.  His response was, “ I kind of understand what your are saying.”  We laughed and then focused on changing his language choices.  He learned to collect his thoughts by pausing before responding and moved from passive to active language.

Three keys to improving your leadership fluency:  
 

Objectivity

Projecting an open mind sets the stage for a mutually beneficial discussion.  Conversations have three stages: opening, body, and close.  Begin your conversation with positive energy that promotes a fair process - I will listen to your ideas and can suspend my judgment.  We all want our ideas to be heard, and when they are we pay greater attention to the content and delivery of the message seeking to influence us (body and close).  

Content
Keep your words focused on action leading to results.  For example, I recommend we implement this new software and I am confident we will reduce expenses by 20 percent within two years.  Anticipate and answer two critical questions - what is your solution and how will we measure success?
   
Delivery 
Along with strong content, you must deliver a compelling message.  Confidently express your message through eye contact, posture, and hand gestures.  Studies continuously demonstrate that body language is more powerful than words: step up and let others see — not just hear — your ideas and the leader you are.  

Keep an open mind, focus your content on the desired outcome, and deliver your message with confidence.  Tell people what they need to know –  fluency is your ticket to influence.