The Courage to Stand Up

“Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.”

- Erica Jong

We all are blessed with talents that enable us to do great things in life.  The courage to risk our talents, to say what needs to be said or do what needs to be done, is where we move from follower to leader.  Leadership courage comes from within and is available to all of us.  So as we face challenges and others look around to see who will stand up, the question needs to be “why not me?”
 
​We are all familiar with stories of personal courage in the workplace – the co-worker who professionally calls out a peer for a negative attitude during a meeting; or the administrative assistant who decides not to do a "favor" when approached to disregard a company policy. They inspire us and cause us to reflect - “what would I do?”  Their actions represent a personal choice, to sit back or engage, and the good news is we are also capable of making the right call.

Full disclosure, I have personally stood back while others engaged.  However, I do have a story that has caused me to increase my confidence to stand up.  I was a new board member and attending my first meeting.  The attendees were primarily senior managers and overwhelmingly male.  Our meeting began with a report from a young woman from another organization.  She did an excellent job presenting her material and asked if there were any questions.  A colleague next to me remarked “you look like a model!”  Following an awkward silence, the leader called for a break.  The woman was embarrassed, smiled, and thanked the group for their attention.

I leaned over to the individual at break and shared my opinion that his comment was inappropriate.  He acted surprised and said he meant no harm.  I would have normally left the matter alone but I decided to stand up – and also realized there was another step.  Following the meeting, I found the presenter and apologized on behalf of our group for the inappropriate comment. She said it was not a big deal, but I assured her it was something I needed to address.  She indicated that she had already received an apology from the individual, and she was very appreciative the matter was resolved. A successful outcome for the two individuals involved, and a lesson learned for me.

Three keys to demonstrating leadership courage:

Confront Yourself
Our values drive our behavior.  When you strongly believe something and it is violated – do you fight or take flight?  Know your core values and understand they identify you.  If your value is integrity and a peer lies to you - do you give them a free pass or state your disappointment and redefine the relationship?  Courage draws from your moral compass.

Confront the Situation
The term “armchair quarterback” involves sitting down and passing judgment from the sidelines.  Courage requires raising yourself past what is comfortable to the unknown – a personal intervention.  Step into the situation and communicate with confidence, using effective non-verbals and words to navigate a successful outcome. 

Consistency
Courage is all about our everyday behavior – most of us will not save a baby from a house fire.  Building a consistent style that models courage, and encouraging others to behave the same way, is what successful leaders do.  Courageous leaders inspire and attract others to go beyond.

Our world needs courageous leaders.  Confront yourself and the situation, and be consistent as you stand up.  Remember – why not me?
 

Managing the Hand You Were Dealt

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the game.” - Randy Pausch

All of us have personal attributes, what you might call your set of cards. These have a strong impact on how we succeed in our professional lives.  In the book Compelling People by John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut, the authors describe the art of "playing" your cards.  The cards we are dealt (physical appearance, gender, ethnicity, and age are just a few examples) represent our foundation in how we see ourselves and interact with others.  How we play our cards is our decision.

As leaders we have the opportunity to change our behavior to be more effective.  This can be a difficult process but the good news is it is within our control.  Our attributes are often beyond our control and others may view our uniqueness as not the right “fit”– resulting in lost sales, promotions, or social isolation.  Stereotypes and discrimination continue to torment our workplaces and this can result in feeling victimized by what others are doing to us. 
 
My message is not about what others need to do to change their behavior and respect your uniqueness – this is for a different conversation. Right now, let’s start by looking at what you can do. 
 
I recall a recent conversation with a colleague regarding her frustration in being respected as a female leader in a predominantly male organization.  She would raise solutions in meetings that were dismissed, only to watch a male leader claim credit for the same solution. My coaching focused on accepting what is in her control and identifying how to be more personally effective in playing her cards.  The specific area we discussed was how to use her non-verbal behavior more effectively, such as facial expression, and not just focusing on her words.  
 
Three keys to playing your cards effectively:
 
Acceptance
I am a firm believer in strengths-based leadership.  Recognize your unique qualities for what they are – the accelerator, not the brakes, in your professional development.  Accept your foundation and identify realistic goals for where you want to be.  Remember, this is a game to maximize what you have – not just to discard the cards you dislike.

Strength
Projecting strength as a leader builds confidence in others.  You can do this through competence and determination.  Breaking through barriers is much easier when you havethe right answers and initiative to get the job done.  Strength has many sources (emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual, etc…) and attracts others.   
 
Warmth
Empathy is a great approach to increasing your connection with others.  You may feel you are approachable but there are people who avoid you – you may never know why. Warmth is in the eyes of the beholder so get familiar with others by getting to know them personally.  Quick test – how do others react when you approach them (smiling, apprehensive, cautious, etc…)?
  
In the professional world we have much more in common with each other than we realize – unfortunately we often focus on our differences.  Promote your uniqueness through acceptance, strength, and warmth to build your personal confidence and increase your effectiveness with others.  Play your hand to achieve success on your terms.