Character: From Self-Promotion to Self-Restraint

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

- John Wooden

I have been browsing bookstores in the self-improvement and business sections and was surprised to find very few titles featuring character development. There is no shortage of books encouraging you to change your leadership style – project confidence and drive results!  Why so few resources to help who you really are, the critical knowledge you need to effectively lead yourself and others?

The style books have bright colors and many testimonials, encouraging readers to become more “successful” by moving up in the organization.   Improving these skills can improve leadership effectiveness in the short term.  However, the critical driver in building and sustaining a great career and meaningful life is your character.

Character represents our unique moral qualities and ethical nature.  It is not an on/off switch – it is a dynamic, internal value system impacting how we respond to the world around us.  A common saying is our character is how we behave when no one is watching – our true self.  The challenge is we worry more about our reputation, what others think, rather than exploring who we really are.

David Brooks in his new book The Road to Character reflects on his challenge of determining who he really is, and his personal struggles living a meaningful life.  Brooks believes that most of us grade ourselves on a forgiving curve when it comes to living a moral life.  He also explains that a gap exists between our actual self and desired self, and this gap is fueled by our culture of self-promotion.

The workplace is frequently a center of self-promoting behavior and has not actively been involved in character development.  Our schools have been a leader in promoting character development, featuring programs such as “Character Counts” to encourage students to understand their values and apply good behavior.

At the office, character development is generally focused on compliance, through conflict of interest policies and ethics training.  These efforts are designed to protect the organization by describing what appropriate behavior is and the consequences for violating company procedures.

The simple truth is we need to carefully manage our self-promotion and practice self-restraint – allowing others to show us the way.  We need to learn how to win over our own weaknesses, not winning at the expense of our colleagues.  Before we go up sometimes we need to go down.

My personal story is about self-promotion – an experience I handled poorly and learned from.  I was a middle manager who had high aspirations to move up the corporate ladder.  My focus on personal success resulted in neglecting my employees – a painful blind spot.  We had an employee opinion survey and I received poor scores for recognizing others and being a team player.  One of the anonymous comments from my peers could be summarized as saying “it is all about Todd”.  I fortunately had a mentor who helped me understand this feedback as an opportunity to grow, and assisted me in looking within myself to find the answers.  Self-restraint, not promotion, became my focus and has helped me to become a stronger leader today.

Three keys to building and sustaining character:

Trustworthiness
This key is not about you trusting others – it is about others trusting you.  People will trust you if you are reliable, credible, and not all about yourself.

Humility
The opposite of self-promotion, humility is demonstrated quietly yet with strength.  Expressing gratitude for the contribution of others is one of the best examples of humility.

Passion
Having a strong passion in life is a powerful force.  Apply your values through your actions and let others see your true self.

We are on a road to building our character. This is not a solo journey, and others will need to trust you, observe your humility, and realize the passion that guides your life.  Your character journey will continue the rest of your life – take the small steps and make your character count.