Why You and Not Me? The Envy Trap.

“Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.”
- Gore Vidal

It happens to all of us: a peer is selected for a job for which you interviewed; a co-worker is assigned an exciting new project while you're working on the same old thing. Inevitably, we fall directly into the envy trap.

Think about a person in your organization who was recently promoted or received a great work assignment - someone you often compare yourself against.  Ask yourself the following questions:

• Did you congratulate this person?
• How did the news of their achievement make you feel?
• If they fail in their new position is your first response “I knew it!”?

Your answers will tell you whether you were in the envy trap.  Research at the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago reveals workplace envy is a critical issue for employers and employees.  They discovered that envious employees dismiss creative ideas, direct money and resources to others, and in some cases directly sabotage co-workers.  The costs are financial as well as cultural – envy can be a life-threatening disease in the organization.

So what is envy?  Envy is often defined as the feeling of I want what you have andpeople at all levels of an organization are vulnerable.  Our belief is that by having this thing we will be happier and respected - and that not having this thing diminishes us in some way.  The thing can be anything - position, relationship, and even time.  A current envy driver can be social media - we often make comparisons in a biased way as postings feature successes rather than failures.  (Thought for the day - are Facebook, Linked In™, and Twitter contributing to envy in your life?)

I recall a co-worker who was not selected for a position she desperately wanted.  She did not handle the announcement process very well, rationalizing away the positive traits of the selected individual.  Her answers to the three questions above were loaded with envy – attributing luck and political connections as the primary reason the other candidate was chosen.  The tragedy was that her envy assigned blame to external sources when the real issue was internal – she chose resentment over self-reflection.  Her envious behavior was noticed by others, including her superiors, and stalled her career. 
  
Three keys to managing your workplace envy:

Self Affirmation
When we are tempted to compare ourselves to someone else, a good reminder is that we are already successful.  Research has proven envy can promote a victim mentality that causes people to discount their own accomplishments.  Think about your strengths and accomplishments – a good exercise is to review your resume.  Don’t dwell on the prize you missed – focus on the gaps in your experience and what you need to do to build upon your past accomplishments.  

Compete Against Yourself
Organizations with a culture built on competition can be fertile ground for envy - such as publicizing sales results or monthly productivity numbers.  These results promote accountability as well as competition.  Healthy competition is the key.  Compare your present self to your past self – the competition is all about you.  Are you growing professionally or are you stuck?  Understanding your own growth keeps envy in check.
   
Envy Source
Where is your envy coming from?  Envy can be a wake-up call that perhaps you have not been on top of your game, or the path to greater responsibilities has changed.  Reframe the situation to focus on a new path to success, not the individual selected.  For example, what background do they have and how can you gain similar experiences?

You will be surrounded by professional opportunities in your career, some you receive and some you watch awarded to others.  Manage your envy through self-affirmation, competing against yourself, and understanding the envy source.  Unlike Gore Vidal, every time someone else succeeds you will grow a little.