Professional Gratitude: Every Day, Not Just a Holiday

  
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us”
- Albert Schweitzer

The holiday season is a great opportunity to reflect on all we are thankful for – our family, friends, partners and everyone we consider part of our inner circle.  Our outer circle includes those we work with every day – our team, supervisor, and most importantly, our clients.  Expressing professional gratitude to this group is more than being nice – it is a virtue.

So how can we incorporate gratitude into our professional relationships beyond the holidays?

First, let’s get clear about gratitude.  Gratitude is much more than a thank you or a gift card – it is a mindset that affirms there is good in the world which comes from sources beyond us.  This confirms two of my leadership beliefs: we are surrounded by opportunities and our success in life comes from others.  In other words, none of us is truly self-made.  The advice, encouragement, and loyalty we give and receive results in a rare double win - for the giver and receiver.  The goodness sent and received creates grateful people, and research confirms both parties are happier, healthier, and more resilient.

I recall one of my mentors who modeled professional gratitude.  Every time I visited him in his office he would clear his desk and focus completely on me.  I felt valued and trusted him implicitly.  He would provide me specific feedback and taught me to receive gratitude as a gift.  It was all about me and not about him – gratitude expressed through attention and authenticity.
 
So how does professional gratitude work?  A great model for gratitude can be found in the book The Four Things that Matter Most by Ira Byock.  The author introduces theeleven words of hospice: please forgive me, I forgive you, thank you, and I love you.  These powerful words are often shared as someone is nearing the end of life, but these words also offer the energy to build a life.  In the workplace these words can be awkward, potentially viewed as weak in an environment that rewards strength over warmth.  So how can we express gratitude and not adversely impact our career?

Three keys to projecting gratitude as a leader:

Authenticity
Appreciation from someone who barely knows you and is using second or third hand feedback is not inspiring. Overly broad statements like, "Great job, everyone!" often leave no one feeling truly appreciated for their work. Find an opportunity to recognize someone for a specific task. For example: “Thanks for confirming the agenda and location for our meeting next week – I really appreciate your attention to detail."  The authentic leader makes the personal connection between task and relationship.

Admission

We express our thanks to others who "set the table" for our success: removing obstacles, accurately anticipating our needs, and offering solutions (as opposed to excuses).  Our admission builds relationships grounded in trust — an investment with no strings attached.  Think of who has recently set the table for your success — it is not too late to tell them they are appreciated. 

Acceptance
“Oh, it really was not a big deal!”  How often do we hear people deflect gratitude?  Accept the kind words – for yourself and the giver.  We can tend to minimize positive feedback in our professional lives, rationalizing encouraging words to what is expected performance.  A final thought on acceptance is respecting individual preferences for private vs. public gratitude — let the receiver decide.  Whether public or private, gratitude needs to be heard — silence is not the answer.
 
Be thankful for the inspiration your inner and outer circles collectively provide through gratitude, and embrace your responsibility for paying it forward.   Focus on your professional relationships by being authentic, humble, and appreciative.  Gratitude is one of the hardest things in life to give away – it keeps coming back to you.
 

And a moment of thanks for you, my readers. Thank you for your feedback and insight and taking the time to read The Opportunity Coach.