Managing the Hand You Were Dealt

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the game.” - Randy Pausch

All of us have personal attributes, what you might call your set of cards. These have a strong impact on how we succeed in our professional lives.  In the book Compelling People by John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut, the authors describe the art of "playing" your cards.  The cards we are dealt (physical appearance, gender, ethnicity, and age are just a few examples) represent our foundation in how we see ourselves and interact with others.  How we play our cards is our decision.

As leaders we have the opportunity to change our behavior to be more effective.  This can be a difficult process but the good news is it is within our control.  Our attributes are often beyond our control and others may view our uniqueness as not the right “fit”– resulting in lost sales, promotions, or social isolation.  Stereotypes and discrimination continue to torment our workplaces and this can result in feeling victimized by what others are doing to us. 
 
My message is not about what others need to do to change their behavior and respect your uniqueness – this is for a different conversation. Right now, let’s start by looking at what you can do. 
 
I recall a recent conversation with a colleague regarding her frustration in being respected as a female leader in a predominantly male organization.  She would raise solutions in meetings that were dismissed, only to watch a male leader claim credit for the same solution. My coaching focused on accepting what is in her control and identifying how to be more personally effective in playing her cards.  The specific area we discussed was how to use her non-verbal behavior more effectively, such as facial expression, and not just focusing on her words.  
 
Three keys to playing your cards effectively:
 
Acceptance
I am a firm believer in strengths-based leadership.  Recognize your unique qualities for what they are – the accelerator, not the brakes, in your professional development.  Accept your foundation and identify realistic goals for where you want to be.  Remember, this is a game to maximize what you have – not just to discard the cards you dislike.

Strength
Projecting strength as a leader builds confidence in others.  You can do this through competence and determination.  Breaking through barriers is much easier when you havethe right answers and initiative to get the job done.  Strength has many sources (emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual, etc…) and attracts others.   
 
Warmth
Empathy is a great approach to increasing your connection with others.  You may feel you are approachable but there are people who avoid you – you may never know why. Warmth is in the eyes of the beholder so get familiar with others by getting to know them personally.  Quick test – how do others react when you approach them (smiling, apprehensive, cautious, etc…)?
  
In the professional world we have much more in common with each other than we realize – unfortunately we often focus on our differences.  Promote your uniqueness through acceptance, strength, and warmth to build your personal confidence and increase your effectiveness with others.  Play your hand to achieve success on your terms.