Needs a Friend? Get a Dog.

“You win a few; you lose a few; but you keep on fighting. And if you need a friend, get a dog.  It’s trench warfare out there, pal.” --Gordon Gekko (aka Michael Douglas) Wall Street

Our success in life is dependent on others, particularly our family and friends.  Friends have earned our trust and they stand by us through good times and bad – our unconditional supporters.  This works well in our personal lives but what about our workplace relationships?  Do leaders have unconditional friendships at work?

We think of our work “friends” as people we know pretty well, have lunch with, and who appear interested in our success.  The summer 2005 edition of the MIT Sloan Management Review featured the article, “Friend, Foe, Ally, … or Something Else?"  The authors' conclusion really surprised me – “the corporate world is much better suited for making enemies not friends”.  Their research found workplace relationships to be very unpredictable and often focused on win/lose outcomes, a difficult environment to develop trusting relationships.

The reality is our relationship with friends does not change based on the situation.  Our attention at work should be on our conditional relationships, building allies who will generally support us and converting adversaries to allies.

I misclassified an ally as a friend years ago and the result was a career setback.  A senior corporate executive was scheduled to visit our office and I had already committed to a meeting in another location.  I reached out to a peer--someone I had considered a friend--and he said not to worry.  The executive visited our office and was very disappointed I was not in town.  He called our local senior executive to share his observation that perhaps my status as a “high potential” leader required a second look.  Following a humbling meeting with our local senior executive, I realized and learned from my mistake.  However, the most disappointing result was I learned my friend told the visiting executive he could not believe my poor judgment to miss his visit.  Betrayed by someone I trusted, I redefined that relationship.

Three keys to building allies:

Intentional Personal Time
Spend dedicated time with your allies.  For example, set up recurring calendar visits to learn about their world and look for opportunities to collaborate.  These relationship deposits build trust, the bedrock of sustaining friends and allies.

Spend Your Political Capital
You have established political capital based on your positive reputation.  Be willing to use this critical resource by promoting your allies – rally behind them when their reputation is facing a moment of truth.

Honor the Gatekeepers
Pay special attention to those who provide access to decision makers.  Administrative assistants have information and calendar control – take the time to recognize and appreciate their role.  My experience has been they are great allies if you care.

The bottom line - a few friends and many allies are the network you need to achieve success.  Allocate intentional time on your calendar to nurture your allies, spend your political capital, and honor the gatekeepers.

Don’t get a dog – build strong alliances.