Know Someone Who is a People Pleaser?

Career Warning: The People Pleaser

“I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone”. - Ed Sheeran, English Songwriter/Singer

Ask any leader "are you a people pleaser?" and the instinctive response is a resounding NO. After all, leaders are expected to define reality and tell it like it is. But what if in the shadows of a perceived strong leadership image lurks a tendency to tell people what they want to hear - not what they need to know?

Consistently withholding bad news or sugar coating the truth to please others, particularly your superiors, can lead to career derailment. Don't get me wrong, I understand the need to please others to promote a positive workplace. Leaders must balance their personal need to support others with telling it like it is.

Years ago I was enjoying a round of golf with three other leaders at a conference. One of the leaders shared a golf cart with his boss and repeatedly shouted "great putt" even when his boss missed by a mile. Finally, the boss lost his patience and said "stop patronizing me!" This attempt to please resulted in a moment of truth that did not have a happy ending.

Early in my career I was involved in a promotion decision involving one of my direct reports. He was judged ready by others but I had reservations. I deferred to others as I worried what they would think of me if shared a different opinion. I left that meeting ashamed and wondering why I had no courage. 

People pleaser - guilty as charged.

We may be conditioned at an early age to be cooperative and suspend criticism to promote harmony. While this is probably causing a flashback to your childhood, the irony is successful organizations need leaders to inspire candor and constructive conflict to encourage innovation and collaboration in a dynamic workplace.

The three keys to manage people pleasing behavior: 

• Know and assert your priorities 
• Worry about what you are thinking vs. what others think of you 
• Move from a service to leadership mindset 

Priorities establish the boundaries to promote effectiveness. Successful leaders have a point of view and assert their message with an attitude of mutual respect. Stop basing your self-worth as a leader on how others perceive you. The high performing leader understands the need to fulfill their intrinsic need to help others but not at the expense of compromising higher priorities. We are expected to make difficult decisions and not just run for cover.

Finally, follow the practice of under promise and over deliver to build long-term credibility. Today’s workplace is loaded with non-priority, poorly analyzed requests. We admire leaders who patiently evaluate and do the right thing - the right way, the right time, all the time.

Pleasing others is often the path of least resistance. Resist the path by promoting what is important, learning through resistance, and executing the right results. Your reward is earning the trust and respect of others which pays dividends for many years to come.

Todd