“Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.”
- Erica Jong
We all are blessed with talents that enable us to do great things in life. The courage to risk our talents, to say what needs to be said or do what needs to be done, is where we move from follower to leader. Leadership courage comes from within and is available to all of us. So as we face challenges and others look around to see who will stand up, the question needs to be “why not me?” We are all familiar with stories of personal courage in the workplace – the co-worker who professionally calls out a peer for a negative attitude during a meeting; or the administrative assistant who decides not to do a "favor" when approached to disregard a company policy. They inspire us and cause us to reflect - “what would I do?” Their actions represent a personal choice, to sit back or engage, and the good news is we are also capable of making the right call.
Full disclosure, I have personally stood back while others engaged. However, I do have a story that has caused me to increase my confidence to stand up. I was a new board member and attending my first meeting. The attendees were primarily senior managers and overwhelmingly male. Our meeting began with a report from a young woman from another organization. She did an excellent job presenting her material and asked if there were any questions. A colleague next to me remarked “you look like a model!” Following an awkward silence, the leader called for a break. The woman was embarrassed, smiled, and thanked the group for their attention.
I leaned over to the individual at break and shared my opinion that his comment was inappropriate. He acted surprised and said he meant no harm. I would have normally left the matter alone but I decided to stand up – and also realized there was another step. Following the meeting, I found the presenter and apologized on behalf of our group for the inappropriate comment. She said it was not a big deal, but I assured her it was something I needed to address. She indicated that she had already received an apology from the individual, and she was very appreciative the matter was resolved. A successful outcome for the two individuals involved, and a lesson learned for me.
Three keys to demonstrating leadership courage:
Confront Yourself
Our values drive our behavior. When you strongly believe something and it is violated – do you fight or take flight? Know your core values and understand they identify you. If your value is integrity and a peer lies to you - do you give them a free pass or state your disappointment and redefine the relationship? Courage draws from your moral compass.
Confront the Situation
The term “armchair quarterback” involves sitting down and passing judgment from the sidelines. Courage requires raising yourself past what is comfortable to the unknown – a personal intervention. Step into the situation and communicate with confidence, using effective non-verbals and words to navigate a successful outcome.
Consistency
Courage is all about our everyday behavior – most of us will not save a baby from a house fire. Building a consistent style that models courage, and encouraging others to behave the same way, is what successful leaders do. Courageous leaders inspire and attract others to go beyond.
Our world needs courageous leaders. Confront yourself and the situation, and be consistent as you stand up. Remember – why not me?
“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the game.” - Randy Pausch
All of us have personal attributes, what you might call your set of cards. These have a strong impact on how we succeed in our professional lives. In the book Compelling People by John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut, the authors describe the art of "playing" your cards. The cards we are dealt (physical appearance, gender, ethnicity, and age are just a few examples) represent our foundation in how we see ourselves and interact with others. How we play our cards is our decision.
As leaders we have the opportunity to change our behavior to be more effective. This can be a difficult process but the good news is it is within our control. Our attributes are often beyond our control and others may view our uniqueness as not the right “fit”– resulting in lost sales, promotions, or social isolation. Stereotypes and discrimination continue to torment our workplaces and this can result in feeling victimized by what others are doing to us. My message is not about what others need to do to change their behavior and respect your uniqueness – this is for a different conversation. Right now, let’s start by looking at what you can do. I recall a recent conversation with a colleague regarding her frustration in being respected as a female leader in a predominantly male organization. She would raise solutions in meetings that were dismissed, only to watch a male leader claim credit for the same solution. My coaching focused on accepting what is in her control and identifying how to be more personally effective in playing her cards. The specific area we discussed was how to use her non-verbal behavior more effectively, such as facial expression, and not just focusing on her words. Three keys to playing your cards effectively: AcceptanceI am a firm believer in strengths-based leadership. Recognize your unique qualities for what they are – the accelerator, not the brakes, in your professional development. Accept your foundation and identify realistic goals for where you want to be. Remember, this is a game to maximize what you have – not just to discard the cards you dislike.StrengthProjecting strength as a leader builds confidence in others. You can do this through competence and determination. Breaking through barriers is much easier when you havethe right answers and initiative to get the job done. Strength has many sources (emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual, etc…) and attracts others. WarmthEmpathy is a great approach to increasing your connection with others. You may feel you are approachable but there are people who avoid you – you may never know why. Warmth is in the eyes of the beholder so get familiar with others by getting to know them personally. Quick test – how do others react when you approach them (smiling, apprehensive, cautious, etc…)?
In the professional world we have much more in common with each other than we realize – unfortunately we often focus on our differences. Promote your uniqueness through acceptance, strength, and warmth to build your personal confidence and increase your effectiveness with others. Play your hand to achieve success on your terms.
“Think little goals and expect little achievements. Think big goals and win big success" - David Joseph Schwartz
One of my favorite coaching questions is, "What is on your business card three years from now?" Business cards are similar to a name tag, a connection tool designed to project a profile and create opportunities. People we meet process their continued interest based on what they read, see, and hear. My question is – who will you be three years from now?
Our professional life is a journey and visualizing who you are becoming, or remaining, alerts you to the track you are on. You may believe reflecting on your progress is too time consuming and uncomfortable, but the alternative is merely hoping things will go your way. You want to avoid doing this, or you may find yourself asking, “Where did the time go?" and thinking "I can’t believe I am still in this job.”
My experience with projecting my role three years from now came from a leadership training program. Honestly, I was convinced the program would never end. I was so eager to assume new responsibilities that I did not need to visualize two or three more years to be good to go. The organization believed I needed more “seasoning” for my longterm success. This seasoning caused me to be impatient and become concerned that my career progress was stalling. In reality, my focus should have been on what I needed to do to be fully prepared for my next opportunity. My promotion followed and I had a real lesson in the wisdom of building strong technical and interpersonal skills before accepting new leadership responsibilities.
Three keys to building a profile in three years that promotes your professional goals:
Time out
Stop the clock and reassess where you are and where you are going in your career. Every coach has a strategy when the game begins but adjustments are always necessary. Ask yourself: what is going well, what is not going well, and what do I need to do differently? Answering these questions enables you to redirect your professional energy to meet the opportunities that will come your way.
Get Tangible
Design a business card that represents the position you plan to have three years from now – go online or to an office supply store and print up a small batch. Post the card wherever you keep the important reminders that motivate your growth.
Share Your Goals
Sharing your goals with the people you trust will dramatically increase your success. We all want to succeed in life on our terms and that includes a supporting cast. A goal concealed rarely sustains traction. Get feedback and support from others to add momentum to your successful journey.
If I were to meet you three years from now, what would be on your business card? More importantly, what do you need to do to now to make sure that comes to fruition? Call a timeout, get tangible, and share your goals with those who can make it happen in your life. I can’t wait to ask for your card down the road!
“Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” - Abraham Lincoln
Hustle is a differentiator – in school, business, sports, and our many other life priorities. Each of us has been blessed with talent and abilities, but how we apply that is what determines our success. Maximizing our talent requires hustle, the extra effort to go beyond "good enough" to "whatever it takes."
Where you fall between "good enough" and "whatever it takes" is your “hustle indicator”. Do you consistently pour your heart into what you do or convince yourself to save it for next time? Examples include putting that phone call off another day, skipping the networking event, or resigning yourself that the new business opportunity requires too much effort.
Overcoming limited talent with determination makes great movies – Rocky, Hoosiers, andRudy are classic examples. However, the reality is this behavior is often the exception to the rule. The truth is we observe talented individuals who fail to measure up every day - athletes who coast and do not reach their potential, business professionals who rely on political skills and their careers stall, and gifted children who confound their parents with average grades. They have the goods but underperform. They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste – so is your heart.
As a youth hockey coach, we had a young boy who was not blessed with great talent and yet desperately wanted to make our travel team. During our tryout evaluations he scored well on the standard categories (skating, passing, shooting, etc…), good enough, but not one of the best. But he made the team over more skilled players because he had the heart of a lion – giving all he had even when the game was most certainly over. Ask any coach about hustle and they will tell a similar story.
Let’s apply this story to the workplace - what does “whatever it takes” look like in your work world? Does it get rewarded?Three keys to promoting your hustle indicator:Stamina
To truly go the extra step you need to have endurance. Take care of the greatest financial asset in your portfolio – you. If you find yourself reluctant to take on major challenges you may simply lack the energy necessary, and this is within your control. Be diligent about your personal fitness and mental agility to have the reservoir necessary for diligence. Project energy to build confidence in others that you have the goods to get the job done.
Self Recognition
My experience is the world admires those who hustle but the rewards often go to the high profile, talented few. Sports and business are all about data/metrics (outcomes) and personal brand (perception). You may need to reframe your expectations to reward yourself for giving all you have, and not depending on external recognition.
Tough Tasks
"When the going gets tough…" - we all know the end of that sentence. The reality is only a few volunteer for the most challenging assignments in life, most people rely on someone else taking charge. The common refrain is “after you”. Be a fixer and a closer when others are asking for your leadership in tough times. Ask yourself “am I getting asked or volunteering for what others walk away from?” If not, why?
Abe Lincoln had it right – don’t wait for your opportunity to come. Build your stamina, recognize yourself, and take on the tough tasks. Raise your hustle indicator and prepare for new opportunities.
“Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”
- Queen, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Do you ever have the feeling you are lying to yourself? For example, perceiving that you excel at something when the reality is you don’t measure up? This deception can produce a “positivity bias” that limits our professional success and threatens our ability to effectively lead others.
Our brain is wired to self-preservation and we can easily behave in a way that puts us in the most positive light. A recent study found when people were asked to choose the most accurate photo of themselves, from a selection of images that were either accurate or altered to make them look more attractive, the majority selected the photo that wasbetter than reality. The magic mirror alive and well!
In the excellent book Leadership and Self Deception by the Arbinger Institute, self-deception is described as “the problem of not knowing my role in the problem.” In other words, self-deception is all about blocking our inner truths. Once this deception is revealed, a common response is to deflect reality by blaming others or adopting a victim mentality – a situation referred to as being “in the box”.
What is your self-deception – need for control, effective communicator, subject matter expert, sensitive leader, etc…?
My story of self-deception and being “in the box” was about being open to bad news. I asked my employees to share good and bad news, and they quickly realized my interest in bad news was just talk. My moment of truth occurred when my managers completed a 360 feedback assessment and my self-deception was revealed. I learned my managers were working around me to resolve problems, and my boss wanted answers to problems I was unaware of. My initial thought was to blame my managers, but the reality was I needed to get “out of the box.” I altered my behavior to appreciate and reward my managers sharing bad news.
Three keys to managing self-deception:
Self-Awareness
Get a clear understanding of your blind spots. We can deceive ourselves as we achieve positions of power, and my experience is that feedback from others decreases as you rise in the organization. Validate your strengths, manage your weaknesses, and pay extra attention to building positive relationships. Managing self-deception is all about understanding how you behave.
Humanity
As leaders we pledge to treat people with care. How do we really know? The answer is to see others as people not objects. Ask people “what is going on in your world?” to keep the focus on them not you. Another effective way to connect is learning and using first names. Think about your last experience at the coffee shop or restaurant – what was the server’s name? Strangers represent new opportunities.
Vulnerability
The responses “I don’t know” or “I dropped the ball” are not examples of weakness – they leave us open and project confidence. People can perceive arrogance and lack of integrity a mile away. Admit your mistakes and know your limitations. An effective response is “I made a mistake and here is what I learned”.
Understand your blind spots, treat people with care, and leave yourself open to learn. A mirror is a reflection of how you see yourself – let it be the leader you need to be, not the leader you pretend to be.
“It's necessary to be slightly underemployed if you are to do something significant.”- James D. Watson
We read every day about people looking for work, not just the right job but any job. Included in these stories are individuals who have jobs but are underemployed. In other words, they remain stuck in roles where their experience and education often exceed what is required. The irony is these individuals often excel in these roles but feel insignificant and frustrated.
When we excel in a role where our qualifications far exceed what is needed we can get addicted to being recognized as a star performer. An analogy would be an athlete or team competing at a lower level – a false sense of success. The key is to recognize the situation you are in, a situation you agreed to, and commit to a better future. You may need help with both the diagnosis and prescription – reach out to people you trust. Putting it off to another day keeps you in the demoralizing cycle of getting good at something you don’t like.
I have had moments in my career when I felt underemployed, and questioned if I was in the right field. When I joined a new, technology-focused unit in our sales division, I thought this was the exact job I was looking for. But once I arrived, I found the unit was not prepared for the changes I was expected to bring. I wound up sitting in a hallway without any real idea of what I was hired to do. I spoke with my boss and we found a workable solution where I transferred to a different area--one that could use my input even though it was lower profile. What I found was a fantastic work environment where I could put my ideas to use and thrive--I broke out of the cycle.
Three keys to being a star performer at work and enjoying what you do:
Compete Against Yourself
Resist the temptation to measure your success against others – envy is sure to generate strong feelings of being underemployed. When you tear down others who move on you neglect yourself. Stars at work with high job satisfaction critique their performance, seek feedback, and own their professional development. They learn from others but realize growth comes from within.
Initiative
Leadership studies continue to rate initiative as a key characteristic to differentiate individual performance. Low initiative means sustaining the status quo, and in today’s world that means stepping backwards. Star performers demonstrate passion and drive themselves and others to new opportunities. Step forward to seize your opportunity and don’t look back.
Leader v. leader
“Large L” leaders often use their titles to drive results. They have studied leadership concepts but don’t always connect with their people. “Small L” leaders use humility and passion to attract others to follow them, inspiring others at all levels of the organization. Remember, you have people who follow you – regardless of your title. You should know why they follow you.
As the quote from James D. Watson reminds us, being slightly underemployed guards against complacency and inspires us to pursue greater goals. Keep the focus on yourself, demonstrate initiative, and be a small L leader. You will move from where you are to where you need to be.
“You win a few; you lose a few; but you keep on fighting. And if you need a friend, get a dog. It’s trench warfare out there, pal.” --Gordon Gekko (aka Michael Douglas) Wall Street
Our success in life is dependent on others, particularly our family and friends. Friends have earned our trust and they stand by us through good times and bad – our unconditional supporters. This works well in our personal lives but what about our workplace relationships? Do leaders have unconditional friendships at work?
We think of our work “friends” as people we know pretty well, have lunch with, and who appear interested in our success. The summer 2005 edition of the MIT Sloan Management Review featured the article, “Friend, Foe, Ally, … or Something Else?" The authors' conclusion really surprised me – “the corporate world is much better suited for making enemies not friends”. Their research found workplace relationships to be very unpredictable and often focused on win/lose outcomes, a difficult environment to develop trusting relationships.
The reality is our relationship with friends does not change based on the situation. Our attention at work should be on our conditional relationships, building allies who will generally support us and converting adversaries to allies.
I misclassified an ally as a friend years ago and the result was a career setback. A senior corporate executive was scheduled to visit our office and I had already committed to a meeting in another location. I reached out to a peer--someone I had considered a friend--and he said not to worry. The executive visited our office and was very disappointed I was not in town. He called our local senior executive to share his observation that perhaps my status as a “high potential” leader required a second look. Following a humbling meeting with our local senior executive, I realized and learned from my mistake. However, the most disappointing result was I learned my friend told the visiting executive he could not believe my poor judgment to miss his visit. Betrayed by someone I trusted, I redefined that relationship.
Three keys to building allies:
Intentional Personal Time
Spend dedicated time with your allies. For example, set up recurring calendar visits to learn about their world and look for opportunities to collaborate. These relationship deposits build trust, the bedrock of sustaining friends and allies.
Spend Your Political Capital
You have established political capital based on your positive reputation. Be willing to use this critical resource by promoting your allies – rally behind them when their reputation is facing a moment of truth.
Honor the Gatekeepers
Pay special attention to those who provide access to decision makers. Administrative assistants have information and calendar control – take the time to recognize and appreciate their role. My experience has been they are great allies if you care.
The bottom line - a few friends and many allies are the network you need to achieve success. Allocate intentional time on your calendar to nurture your allies, spend your political capital, and honor the gatekeepers.
Don’t get a dog – build strong alliances.
