Why You and Not Me? The Envy Trap.

“Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.”
- Gore Vidal

It happens to all of us: a peer is selected for a job for which you interviewed; a co-worker is assigned an exciting new project while you're working on the same old thing. Inevitably, we fall directly into the envy trap.

Think about a person in your organization who was recently promoted or received a great work assignment - someone you often compare yourself against.  Ask yourself the following questions:

• Did you congratulate this person?
• How did the news of their achievement make you feel?
• If they fail in their new position is your first response “I knew it!”?

Your answers will tell you whether you were in the envy trap.  Research at the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago reveals workplace envy is a critical issue for employers and employees.  They discovered that envious employees dismiss creative ideas, direct money and resources to others, and in some cases directly sabotage co-workers.  The costs are financial as well as cultural – envy can be a life-threatening disease in the organization.

So what is envy?  Envy is often defined as the feeling of I want what you have andpeople at all levels of an organization are vulnerable.  Our belief is that by having this thing we will be happier and respected - and that not having this thing diminishes us in some way.  The thing can be anything - position, relationship, and even time.  A current envy driver can be social media - we often make comparisons in a biased way as postings feature successes rather than failures.  (Thought for the day - are Facebook, Linked In™, and Twitter contributing to envy in your life?)

I recall a co-worker who was not selected for a position she desperately wanted.  She did not handle the announcement process very well, rationalizing away the positive traits of the selected individual.  Her answers to the three questions above were loaded with envy – attributing luck and political connections as the primary reason the other candidate was chosen.  The tragedy was that her envy assigned blame to external sources when the real issue was internal – she chose resentment over self-reflection.  Her envious behavior was noticed by others, including her superiors, and stalled her career. 
  
Three keys to managing your workplace envy:

Self Affirmation
When we are tempted to compare ourselves to someone else, a good reminder is that we are already successful.  Research has proven envy can promote a victim mentality that causes people to discount their own accomplishments.  Think about your strengths and accomplishments – a good exercise is to review your resume.  Don’t dwell on the prize you missed – focus on the gaps in your experience and what you need to do to build upon your past accomplishments.  

Compete Against Yourself
Organizations with a culture built on competition can be fertile ground for envy - such as publicizing sales results or monthly productivity numbers.  These results promote accountability as well as competition.  Healthy competition is the key.  Compare your present self to your past self – the competition is all about you.  Are you growing professionally or are you stuck?  Understanding your own growth keeps envy in check.
   
Envy Source
Where is your envy coming from?  Envy can be a wake-up call that perhaps you have not been on top of your game, or the path to greater responsibilities has changed.  Reframe the situation to focus on a new path to success, not the individual selected.  For example, what background do they have and how can you gain similar experiences?

You will be surrounded by professional opportunities in your career, some you receive and some you watch awarded to others.  Manage your envy through self-affirmation, competing against yourself, and understanding the envy source.  Unlike Gore Vidal, every time someone else succeeds you will grow a little.

Quality Time — With Your Boss?

“You will always move toward anyone who increases you and away from anyone who makes you less.”
-  Mike Murdock

2015 begins and is already crowded with people and projects demanding our time and attention.  But what about our relationship with our supervisor – is this a duty or opportunity? And how much time should you be spending with him or her?

Six hours. That is the number derived by the consulting firm Leadership IQ, which found that individuals who averaged at least six hours a week with their boss felt more inspired, engaged, and motivated than their colleagues who spent less time.  

I was fortunate to have a long career in a great organization, including working for twenty-seven supervisors in thirty-two years.  OK, job stability was not my strength!  My worst relationship was with my first supervisor.  I was twenty-two years old, fresh out of college, and excited to begin my professional career after a great interview process.  My supervisor was an experienced technician but not a leader — I was neglected and seriously considered leaving the company.  Multiple studies show that the first 90 days in a new job significantly affect long-term satisfaction with the organization.  Why did I stay?  My peers stepped in for the vacant leader and showed me the way – a positive culture trumped a bad boss.

The best supervisory relationship I experienced was very different.  I knew what was expected, understood the personal side of my boss, and was encouraged to spend time with him.  Our personal conversations centered on many topics, occasionally work, and he inspired me to excel.  His gift to me was his time – my job was to make sure it was quality time.       

Three keys to building and sustaining a good relationship with your boss:

Manage Up
Understanding and meeting the needs of your boss is an art, often referred to as managing up.  This is not about schmoozing your way to the top – the corporate career graveyard is filled with self-promoting wannabes.  Leaders want to know what you are working on, what you have completed, and how you can help them.  Find out their preference for staying connected – personal visits, email, or phone calls.  Every boss wants to be successful – what are you contributing to meet that need?

Individual First/Boss Second 
Where was your boss born?  Does your boss have any brothers or sisters?  Learning the personal stories of our colleagues — particularly our supervisor — builds trust.  Get to know your supervisor by paying attention as they describe vacations or what they did over the weekend. Look for common ground between their interests and what you enjoy – concentrating on similarities versus differences generates the energy needed to deepen a relationship.

Dialogue 
A transactional relationship between two individuals is filled with yes/no answers, emails v. conversations, and focuses on short term results.  The alternative is a relationship grounded in dialogue – a partnership featuring open conversations designed to build understanding and collaboration.  Dialogue enables both parties to work together effectively based on mutual respect.  A few examples of what dialogue looks like: good questions, appreciation, and creative solutions.    

The new year offers an opportunity to take a fresh look at the individual who impacts your work assignments, financial rewards, and career opportunities.  Build a stronger relationship with your boss by effectively managing up, focusing on their personal side, and earning the privilege of open dialogue. 

Quality time with your boss?  Remove the question mark and embrace the opportunity.